Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
