For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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