so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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