The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
