My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You ate ashes out of my bong
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
