some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
