she takes plan B like it's going out of style
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
