but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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