I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize