i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
