sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
