I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
