I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
