I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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