I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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