dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
