eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
