I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
