So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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