I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
