The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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