Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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