You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
