when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
