You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
