ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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