chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
