I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
