Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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