don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
