that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It was confusing and full of hummus
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
