I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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