This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize