at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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