I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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