rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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