As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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