The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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