Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
