Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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