I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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