i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
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The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
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Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.