at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
