Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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