Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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