those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
