how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
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other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
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Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i now understand why vodka
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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