Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I deserve this hangover.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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