You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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