I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
