Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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