it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
