Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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