the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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