my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
