dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He? As in you personified your dick?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
