I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
