Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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