Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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