I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
