So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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