Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
