I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
