just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Do you have feelings for this penis?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
