Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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