i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
