I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
