dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
