areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
