If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
