Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
