Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
