i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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